Race You to the Beach
by andyjay18
Summary: Azumanga Crossover! Fasten your seatbelts, it's gonna be a bumpy ride! Some twincest later on.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm sure you all know that I don't own any of these series. Otherwise, why would I just be writing fanfiction for free?_

"_Here in my car_

_I feel safest of all."_

-Gary Newman, "Cars"

Konata had started dating a girl she'd met at Comiket, by the name of Kaori Aida. Kaori had previously had a serious crush on a tall bishojo-type girl named Sakaki, but she was dismayed to learn that Sakaki was straight. She had been quite despondent for a while before bumping into Konata while waiting in line for a _Marimite_ dojinshi. Perhaps because she was on the rebound, the two hit it off quickly, but soon found they had a lot in common (especially in yuri anime). Eventually they both introduced each other to their friends.

Kagami's first thought after spending a day with Kaori's friends was, And I thought Konata and Misao were quirky.

And so it was one summer morning that both sets of girls minus Kagura, P.E. teacher Minamo Kurosawa, and Konata's traffic cop cousin Yui Narumi were gathered at Chiyo-chan's house, ready to go spend a weekend at Chiyo's beach house. Kagura had swim team training camp, and had to opt out. They were currently waiting by Chiyo's parents' minivan, deciding on seating arrangements.

"Let's see," Yui figured. "There's 10 of you kids coming and three of us adults, so it looks like we'll have to take two cars."

"Where's your car, Kurosawa-sensei?" asked Chiyo, lugging her bag down the front walk.

"Oh, it was due for an oil change, so it's in the shop now," answered Minamo.

"Then that means…oh no…" groaned Chiyo, her eyes widening.

As if on cue, the driveway gates opened. Down the driveway slid a silver late '90s Toyota Camry with countless dents and pockmarks in the hood and sides, several missing strips of chrome, and a replaced side panel in a conspicuously different color. The right front headlight and right rearview mirror were held on with duct tape.

The Yukarimobile had arrived.

"Gahhh!" Chiyo cried, darting into the minivan.

"Hey-hey!" Yukari cheered. "Who's ready for some sun and fun?"

"You know I am!" answered Tomo, already seated in the front passenger seat. Yukari had apparently picked her up.

"So who's driving the van?" asked Yomi.

"Do you think you could, officer?" replied Minamo to Yui. "I strained my driving leg in the pool yesterday. I can drive on the way back."

"Not a problem," answered Yui. "If you could just navigate for me; I've never been to this place after all."

"Well that settles that," said the blue-haired otaku. "I'm riding in Yukari-sensei's car." She quietly told Kaori, "I always get sick riding with her."

"Don't do it, Kona-chan!" answered Kaori, her face pale. "She drives way worse than your cousin!"

Konata smirked. "Well, just in case, that's why I brought these." She popped a Dramamine pill into her mouth, followed by a sleeping pill, then climbed into Yukari's car.

"No, please, Kona-chan!"

"It's no use," said Kagami. "She's already out like a light." Sure enough, Konata was already curled up on the right end of passenger seat of Yukari's car, snug as a bug.

"Don't worry; we'll keep an eye on her," said Tsukasa. And at those words, all the girls from Azuma High School piled into the van, along with Miyuki. Kaori said a quick prayer for Konata.

"Oh, do you mind if I sit next to Osaka?" asked Miyuki. "She and I were having a fascinating conversation about the expansion of the universe."

"So like I was saying," Osaka continued. "I was just daydreaming about okonomiyaki in science class when…"

"Oh boy!" Tomo exclaimed to the twins, seated behind her in the dreaded Toyota. "Get ready for the ride of your lives, you two!"

"Let's do this thing," said Yukari in her best Norio Wakamoto impression, plugging in her iPod and turning the ignition. Both young women in front laughed at the top of their lungs.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Kagami muttered. Tsukasa just groaned and clutched her sister's hand.

All went somewhat well for the first few kilometers. Yukari made a few near misses with other vehicles and pedestrians, and raced through a yellow light rather than slowed down, but so far this didn't seem to merit the abject terror it seemed to have inspired in Chiyo and Kaori. Meanwhile Yui tried to keep at least abreast of Yukari, but she still drove more defensively than _of_fensively. Eventually both cars stopped at a railroad crossing to wait for a long, slow freight train to pass by. Yui was in the lane closest to the center divider, and the Yukarimobile was in the middle lane, with Tomo making faces at the occupants of the van. Yukari looked over Tomo's shoulder and sneered along.

"Heh, you should see the ones Konata can make," Kagami told her; a ghost of a smile returning to her apprehensive face. But the slumbering girl looked quite comfortable.

"Oh, you wanna join in, Osaka?" Kagami heard her murmur. "Well, you're from Osaka…you get the takoyaki sauce…" The ponytailed girl shivered at what might be going on inside Konata's head at the moment. But then she heard a loud, almost flatulent noise drawing closer. She also caught a whiff of uncombusted gasoline.

"Yo, yo, Yukari-chan!" announced a nasal, catty voice to their right. A large, vintage Harley-Davidson motorcycle had pulled up alongside the car, filling the immediate vicinity with a tumultuous, continuous grunt. Astride the Hog sat a tall lady about Yukari's age, clad in tight blue jeans, a glossy black leather jacket, and a red "Engrish" t-shirt with the phrase, "Every Day I Shoot Myself in the Head. Like a Rock Star." A long chain was draped around her neck, stretching down around her torso. Her streamlined white helmet was decorated with the words "Road Virus" (whatever that meant) in Old English letters.

"Yo yourself, Benten," Yukari replied. "This is Fumiko Takahashi, an old high school friend of mine. Nyamo and I always called her 'Benten', 'cause she reminded us of that one biker chick on that old anime series about the girl in the tiger-skin bikini…what was it called again?"

"Whoa, I don't remember," Tomo answered. "I haven't seen it since I was a kid. But man, that bike is _sweet!_"

"Hey, thanks kid!" Benten answered. "It's a 1961 Harley; almost all stock!"

Yukari scowled a bit and spoke lower to Tomo. "Her parents are filthy rich, and got her that for her college graduation present. Now she owns her own bike parts shop. She offered me an assistant job there, and damned if I wasn't going to take it, but my mom said, 'Noooo, Yukari-chan; you have such an ability in English; teaching pays a lot more and has much better benefits…'"

"So, where ya headed?" Benten asked, raising her visor.

"Ah, one of my students has a summer home out on the Boso Peninsula. I'm just the loyal chauffeur, mmmmyezzzz?" she replied, closing her eyes and sticking her nose in the air. Tomo waved and raucously completed Benten's sweet Hog, and the twins smiled and waved shyly. "How's business going?"

"Ugh, we're in a price war with this place across town called 'Whirlwind'. But at least I was able to get some minions to keep the shop open today, so now I'm just out cruisin', y'know. The beach would sound kinda nice on a day like today."

Meanwhile in the other car…

"Oh damn, not Takahashi!" groaned Minamo.

"Is…she that tough-looking woman on the motorcycle?" asked Yomi.

"You got it," answered Minamo. "She was…an associate of Yukari and me back in high school. Let's just say that where I tried to keep Yukari from making an ass of herself, Takahashi encouraged it. If you look up _sukeban_ in the dictionary, you'd see her picture."

"Someone actually _encouraged_ Yukari-sensei?" Chiyo gasped.

"Ah, sure you can stay for dinner. But you gotta pick up some beer!" Yukari said.

"Sounds like a plan, sensei," answered Benten. "I'm in the mood for some curry tonight!"

"Umm, actually, I was thinking of ordering some pizza."

Benten's eyes narrowed. "I want curry."

"Pizza."

"Curry."

"Pizza!"

"First one to the beach house gets to pick dinner tonight!" exclaimed Benten.

"Fine then!" Yukari snapped. "It's off the main coast road, just past Kilometer Marker 47. There's a strip mall on your right about five minutes before the turnoff. But you can just follow me."

"Ohhh no. You, my dear, will be eating _my_ dust all the way there, and then tonight we'll all be eating curry! For you see, while _I_ am on a juiced-up Harley-Davidson, _you_ are stuck in a fully-loaded sedan that looks like it's held together with chicken wire and Elmer's Glue."

"Wh-what's going on, onee-sama?" gasped Tsukasa. "They aren't really thinking about…?"

"Don't worry. Yui's a cop; she wouldn't let something like this go down," answered Kagami. However, remembering Yui's competent yet speedy driving last summer, she wasn't entirely sure. And Yukari seemed to have the assertive-yet-whiny tone of someone who always got what she wanted, when she wanted it.

"Hey, what's going on over there, you two?" shouted Yui.

"Ahh, this biker bitch is coming over for dinner tonight. I wanna have pizza; she wants to have curry. So we're gonna race to decide who gets to pick!"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Yui exclaimed. "I was hoping for some Korean barbeque!"

"Well then you're gonna have to race for it!" yelled Tomo.

"That's tellin' her!" Yukari replied. She leaned out toward Benten again. "Hit the deck as soon as the crossing gates are up! Banzaaaai!"

"Hey wait a minute, what are you doing, Officer?" gasped Minamo as Yui shifted into a higher gear. Yukari followed suit, and Benten did the same, sending up an ominous _thrum, thrum, thrummm._

Yui's eyes narrowed behind her glasses. "Sorry sensei, but dammit, I want Korean barbeque tonight."

"Hell hath no fury like a woman denied her food of choice," Yukari snarled; her teeth gritted.

Tsukasa was tightly clutching Kagami's left arm. "O-onee-sama, wh-what's happening?" she stammered.

Kagami moved about a millimeter closer to Tsukasa, and her sister pressed slightly against her. "I don't know. But I just have a _very_ bad feeling about this."

_Find the Stephen King reference and win a kiss from Tsukasa!_


	2. Chapter 2

"_Come away with me Lucille_

_In my merry Oldsmobile_

_Down the road of life we'll fly_

_Automobubbling, you and I."_

-a popular song in the early 1900's

When the crossing gates were only halfway up, Benten floored it, hitting the tracks so hard that her bike bounced into the air for a bit. "Damn her!" shouted Yukari, punching the gas. The car's occupants were literally thrust back into their seats, like on airplane taking off. Yui scowled and started off.

The twins held each other's arms tighter as Benten and Yukari weaved in and out of traffic, often missing other cars by just meters. Tomo meanwhile seemed to be enjoying every moment. "Whoa, that was a close one!" "30 points for each rearview you whack off!"

Benten was surprised to glance in her mirror and see Yukari just one car length behind her. Hmm, not too shabby, she thought. But oh, that light up ahead just turned yellow. If I speed up, I can make it through there.

"Oh ho!" muttered Yukari. "Trying the old light trick, huh? Well, as long as it's yellow…" She sped up even further, but about 300 meters before the stop line, it turned red. Well, I'm _practically_ in the intersection, she thought.

"Sensei, what the hell are you…" gasped Kagami. But then she glanced to the left to see perhaps the most terrifying sight of her life; a semi-truck barreling right towards them! Its front bumper was not much more than seven meters from their car. She and Tsukasa grasped each other tightly and shrieked.

"Whoa, time for some evasive maneuvers!" Yukari swerved sharply to the right, then yawed wildly back to the left into their carriageway. They managed to avoid the truck, but took out a "Keep Left" sign on the center divider with a loud smack.

"That was probably at least 50 points there!" cheered Tomo. The twins still hung on to each other, unable to completely process what was going on here. And Konata still slept soundly.

"What the hell?" sputtered Yui, as she watched the light turn red, but Yukari still rocketing on through the intersection. Her heart stopped when she saw the semi-truck approaching the Toyota. Even from this distance she could hear the squeal of its air brakes, but it didn't seem like it could stop in time. If she harms my cousin or her friends, so help me God…she thought grimly. Fortunately at what seemed the last second, the car lurched into a screaming turn, smacking down a sign on the center divider.

Her relief was cut short by her realization that the light was still red…and she was running out of space to stop. She jammed sharply on her brakes, throwing herself and the other passengers slightly forward. Then she looked up to see that the van had come to halt within only a meter of an irate-looking salaryman crossing the street.

"The fuck is wrong with you, you damn crazy bitch?" he shouted, shaking his fists. "You on your period or something? Arrgh, why do they even _give_ women licenses?"

Yui's temper had already been riled by seeing Yukari put her cousin's and her friends' lives at such risk. She liked to have little fun on the road, of course, but just so long as no one could get hurt. Nevertheless, she had excelled in the driving portion of police academy, and took her job as a traffic cop very seriously. But the guy had touched a raw nerve with that remark about her period, as she was in fact just getting over her post-period malaise then. That had been strike three against her temper.

So she put the van in park, turned it off, turned on the emergency lights, and rushed out to have a heart-to-heart talk with the salaryman.

"You wanna try saying all that again, sir?" she asked, seizing him by his tie.

"Whoa, whoa, ma'am," gasped the guy. "Th-those were just idle words in anger…I didn't actually mean any of that."

"Well good for you," Yui answered. "Because you seem to have forgotten that _I'm_ the one commanding two tons of metal. Now why don't you just go on your merry way, and we'll just forget this little altercation ever happened?"

Yui climbed back in the van to see everyone's eyes bulging and fixed on her, and their jaws halfway to their knees. Even Miyuki and Sakaki.

"W-wow," Minamo stammered. "You sure showed that jerk…"

Yui blushed and smiled. "S-sorry you guys had to see that. It's just, this sort of situation brings out the worst in me…"

"No, no!" Minamo replied. "What that guy said went beyond the pale! He was asking for it!"

"Yeah, I suppose so…" Then someone behind them honked. Yui looked up to see the light had turned green again. She hit it.

"Oh good," said Kagami to Tsukasa. "We're getting on the expressway now, so at least now we're going at the proper speed." But sure enough, Benten took off even faster; at what seemed like double expressway speed. Yukari revved up, pushing the car's occupants backwards again.

"Hey, how 'bout some tunes?" Yukari offered.

"Sounds good to me!" answered Tomo. Yukari hit the play button on her iPod, and a loud crescendo of '80s-sounding drums and guitars blared out. To the twins' horror, Yukari decided to sing along as best she could.

"_One foot on the brake, and one on the gas_

_Well there's too much traffic; I can't pass, no!_

_So I tried my best for an illegal move_

_A big black-and-white come and crush my groove again!"_

"Ooh, I remember this one!" shouted Tomo. She joined in.

_Go on and write me up a 125_

_Post my face wanted dead or alive_

_Take my license; all that jive..._

_I…CAN'T…DRIVE…FIFTY-FIIIIVE!!!"_

"You know," Yukari explained, "when that song was written back in the '80s, the top highway speed in America was actually only 55 miles an hour, or about 88 kilometers an hour. So this is a _protest_ song, baby! We shall overcome!" She glanced ahead toward Benten menacingly. "And we shall overtake!"

"Damn, that nutjob is still on my tail!" muttered Benten, looking in her rearview. But then up ahead she spied two trucks. One was a tanker carrying Newman's Own Balsamic Vinegar. The other was carrying Timotei Shampoo. Both were traveling almost side-by-side in adjacent lanes. An evil idea flashed into her mind. "Hey, this is _Bishojo Baikaa Senshi_ Benten with your morning traffic report! Watch out on the eastbound Higashi-Kanto Expressway near Miyanogi Junction; we got some _slippery conditions_…"

Benten roared ahead of the Timotei truck, which was slightly ahead of the balsamic vinegar truck, then turned into its lane. Then she stopped hard. The truck driver yelped and then slammed on his brakes. Sure enough, as Benten planned, in her rearview she saw the trailer start fishtailing with the force of the sudden halt, veering towards the other truck.

"Sensei!!!" screamed Tsukasa. "Those trucks are gonna crash!"

"Okay," growled Yukari. "Now this means war. Evasive Maneuver No. 42!" She immediately swerved across the carriageway, passing within centimeters of at least one other car. Fortunately, however, the two trailers bumped but managed to remain on their wheels, not spilling any cargo as Benten would have liked. The driver of the balsamic vinegar truck shook his fist at the other driver. Benten had already raced off and was lost in the traffic.

Soon all three vehicles had left the expressway and started into the wooded hills of Chiba Prefecture. However, Yukari still remained above expressway speeds, since she was still stuck behind Benten. They entered a sharp left turn.

Oh ho, so you're gonna follow me into the inside track, Benten thought, seeing Yukari follow her into the left lane. Yukari advanced to within about a meter of Benten's cycle.

"All right now, I'm going about as fast as I can before the engine overheats," said Yukari. "But I think we're on a slight downgrade now, so if I can just get around her…"

Benten then shifted even further left, literally riding along the edge of the roadside drainage ditch. "What the…! Well, two can play at that game!" Yukari edged the car as far left as she could possibly take it, until half of the two left tires were also riding along the ditch rim. Tsukasa was seated in the left passenger seat, and had a front-row view of the guardrail and fist-sized reflectors whizzing less than a meter from her as well as a sheer cliff dropping into a deep chasm. Was it her imagination, or had the car tilted slightly to the left? She again groaned and clung onto her sister's left arm. Kagami shifted up to her once more.

Meanwhile Tomo, seated in the front passenger seat (or "death seat"), was having the time of her life. "Okay Sensei, we're almost out of this curve; I think soon you can…"

But at the end of the curve was a rise. Benten gave Yukari the finger, shifted into low gear, and zoomed up the hill, popping a wheelie along the way. "Arrgghh!" Yukari snarled. "She knows I'm at a disadvantage on hills! Cheaters like her shouldn't be allowed on the road!"

"Well, you still got the advantage on the downgrade, Sensei."

"P-please," Kagami groaned. "Don't encourage her anym…"

Yukari and Tomo both turned around in their seats and hissed at the twins. For a split second, Kagami could've sworn their eyes were glowing red and they had somehow grown some vampire fangs. Again the twins held onto each other tightly.

After cresting the hill, Yukari shifted into her highest gear and gunned the engine. Sure enough, she once more managed to advance close enough to read Benten's license plate before long.

"That wench!" Benten sniffed, seeing Yukari's leering face through the windshield in her rearview once more. "Good thing I have a little…shortcut just up ahead. One which she'll never be able to handle."

"Your ass is mine," cackled Yukari, sliding into the right lane to pass Benten. Just a few meters further… Then suddenly Benten swerved left into a "Y" intersection. There was a crash as she plowed through a wooden barricade across the road. Yukari hit her brakes and whipped across the carriageway onto the other road. "Hmm, so I see you want to try the old road, eh? Then en guarde!"

No one in the Yukarimobile noticed the "Road Closed" sign.

Yui had somewhat resigned herself to the fact that she wasn't going to win this race. Not even Korean barbeque was worth risking your life, which seemed to be something you'd have to be prepared for against these two madwomen. But she was certainly going to have a _very_ stern discussion with Yukari and Benten when they got to their destination. She would perhaps also insist that Konata and the twins take the train home, and she would pay for their tickets. Or she would have Yukari pay for their tickets. But then, coming over the top of the hill, in the distance she saw Benten take the left turn onto the old road, followed closely by Yukari. She smiled. "Well, perhaps we might just win this thing after all."

"Wh-what do you mean, Officer?" asked Minamo.

"That's the old road. It may actually be shorter in terms of distance, but it's a lot steeper and curvier. Plus, I don't know if those two remember the news, but that's also where the collapsed bridge is."

Minamo's eyes widened. "You mean that one that collapsed in the typhoon last fall?"

"Exactly. The prefecture still hasn't been able to repair it because it's on a minor road, and, well, things are tough all over. Anyway, even those two should realize they can't go any further there, and by the time they backtrack to this road, we'll be long gone and in the lead." Her face turned dark once more. "At least I sure hope so."

"So, d-does that mean you can slow down a bit now?"

Kaori and Chiyo, seated next to each other, held each other and shivered. "Kona-chan," whimpered Kaori, tears forming in her eyes. "Please be safe."

Meanwhile Konata was for the moment relatively safe, asleep and dreaming about a very nice evening alone with both the Hiiragi girls…blasting mutant, perverted rat-men in the New York sewers in _Rat Fink 3: RWA (Rodents With Attitude)._

Benten and Yukari maintained near expressway speeds along the narrow mountain road. Kagami got the impression that they were the first vehicles on this road in a while, since the pavement was lined with cracks, some with grass sprouting through. Dense foliage hung almost all the way over the road, forming a green tunnel that in saner circumstances would have been quite fetching. But at this speed, with them mere meters from the trees, they seemed one slight slip from disaster. Sunlight shot in and out through the branches as they passed, creating a strobe-light effect. The iPod was now playing a loud English-language punk song. Tsukasa couldn't understand most of it, but she could make out the words, "people", "who", and "died" in the chorus, which didn't give her much assurance in their situation. At their high speed, and with the disconcerting strobe-light effect going on, the easily scared girl could almost imagine the branches reaching out and grabbing the car…

"Holy shit!" gasped Yukari, as they emerged from the green tunnel and started along the side of a deep ravine. Ahead of them, the road then turned right to where a tall bridge should have been. But instead, two crumbled halves hung out in space, with the decapitated stump of a central pillar between them, far below. "That must be the bridge that collapsed last fall! She better not be thinking what I'll bet she's thinking!"

"S-sensei, you don't mean…" stammered Tomo.

"Ha ha, charade you are!" laughed Benten. "With your weight, you'll never be able to make this leap, Sensei! Get ready for some curry tonight, and you're paying!" She shifted into her highest gear and raced down the grade toward the bridge.

"That fucking crazy dyke!" blurted Yukari as Benten blasted through a barrier reading "Bridge Out". "Who the fuck does she think she is, Evil Knievel?" But sure enough, Benten popped another wheelie…flew out into space…landed on her rear wheel on the opposite end. "All right, everybody, brace yourselves. And you may want to hold your breaths."

Tomo's eyes widened and her pupils contracted. "No, Sensei, y-you can't be serious! We're in a loaded sedan and she's on a motorcycle, and she barely made it!"

"Dammit, no one stands between me and what meal I want," Yukari replied. "Now let's do this thing." She shifted into her highest gear.

Time had seemed to slow to a crawl for Kagami. The car seemed to only be moving at walking speed, and Tomo's cries of terror and even the howl of the engine sounded far away. It now seemed the only sound in the world was her heartbeat thudding in her ears. Was this how it was going to end? Was this what everyone went through when their time came? She didn't want to look at the shattered remains of the bridge ahead, and yet she couldn't force her eyes away. Just then she felt a warm, tight pressure on her left arm.

Kagami was suddenly filled with warm passion for her dear sister. She had suspected Tsukasa might have something of a siscon going on for many years, and occasionally wondered about herself. All the times Tsukasa had sought comfort in her arms, cuddled with her so openly, not to mention all the…jokes Konata often cracked at their expense… She never felt humiliated or inadequate with her. If they were going to die, Kagami realized she wanted nothing more than for Tsukasa to be cradled in her arms.

"Nee-chan, I…" she began.

"Onee-chan, I love you!" Tsukasa sobbed, kissing her sister full on the lips. Tears streamed down her face. Kagami closed her eyes and softly moved into the kiss, slipping in her tongue as she felt her own tears begin to fall.

"I know," answered Kagami after their lips parted. They then both embraced tightly, shut their eyes, and awaited the inevitable.

"BAAAANZAAAAAIIIIII!!!!" shrieked Yukari as she tore through the rest of the barrier. It acted as sort of a ramp, sending the car upward, upward, into the ether.

Tomo was genuinely afraid for the first time in her life. On all the other rides she had been on with Yukari, there had at least always seemed to be some way out of whatever predicament they were in; that was in fact the thrill of riding in the Yukarimobile. But in this case, did her teacher have some kind of death wish or something? Did she really believe her fully-loaded, battle-scarred sedan could make such a leap? She tried to scream, but her lungs refused to exhale, and her entire body seemed paralyzed. She could only grit her teeth and grip the armrests with all her strength.

The only sounds now were the whistling of the wind around the car, including, most significantly, underneath it. Tomo could feel it rising…rising…starting to fall towards the abyss far below.

_The punk song on Yukari's iPod was "People Who Died" by the Jim Carroll Band. I was originally going to make this a oneshot songfic of "I Can't Drive 55", but as you can see, it's turned out to be a bit longer than I thought it would be. Some elements of this story came from "Just Being With You Makes Me Happy", a very sweet story on the website Toweringman's Gallery._


	3. Chapter 3

_I don't care about pollution  
I'm an air-conditioned gypsy  
That's my solution  
Watch the police and the taxman miss me!  
I'm mobile!  
Mobile, mobile, mobile, yeah_

-The Who, "Going Mobile"

SKRUNCH!! The car landed on its rear wheels, taking out the struts, shocks, muffler, both rear hubcaps, and the rear bumper. It fishtailed violently at first, but Yukari managed to regain control by the time they left the bridge. Part of the edge of the bridge segment crumbled away under the sudden impact. The twins slowly opened their eyes, only partially gladdened by the fact that yes, they were still alive, but still weighted with fear knowing that they were still careening down a curvy mountain road in a car driven by Japan's worst driver.

"Oh my…!" gasped Benten, not quite able to comprehend what she had just seen in her mirror. "She made it! That hellion actually pulled it off! How did she…?" And from here, she noticed, the road began to descend steeply toward the sea. With her extra weight, Yukari would be at an advantage.

"Ya-ha-haaa!" Yukari cackled. "This is it, beeyotch! Get ready for life in the slow lane!" She drifted toward the right to pass Benten's Hog.

"Not on your life!" Benten shifted into her highest gear and swerved right, blocking the Yukarimobile.

"Yaaaghh!" Yukari shrieked, pulling to the left again, just as the road went into a sharp right turn. Tsukasa howled as the car came within centimeters of a solid rock face at at least 100 kilometers an hour, and once more buried her face in her sister's shoulder. Kagami glanced away from it, then saw with astonishment that Konata was still asleep. I hope you get to wake up again, she thought despite her scrambled brain.

The vehicles continued a slalom race through the mountains, Benten usually maintaining the lead, Yukari sometimes nosing just a bit ahead.

Okay, it looks like a straightaway coming up, Benten thought. Maybe if I just sashay a little…What the holy _hell? Are those…headlights?_

"Ohmygodsenseiohmygodohmygod…HEADLIIIIIGHTS!!!" cried Tomo, as a pair of headlights came into view…with a pair of flashing lights above them. As they rapidly approached, the other vehicle started to emerge…orange…flashing lights…rather large. Between the flashing lights was a large sign, with yellow characters on a black background: "OVERSIZED LOAD". And behind the truck, slowly climbing up the hill, Tomo's dazed eyes could make out other large, metallic forms behind it; dump trucks, cement mixers, flatbeds carrying bulldozers, earthmovers, steam shovels, piledrivers.

Apparently they were going to rebuild the bridge after all. Starting today.

Ignoring the blaring horns of the trucks, the sedan and the motorcycle raced into the gauntlet side-by-side, not slowing down one measure.

Sweat ran down Benten's brow. She had only about a meter of space on both sides, her bike was running about as fast as she could get it, yet Yukari was hanging on by her side. I gotta shake her off somehow, she thought. Hey, whoa, whoooa!

Benten swerved and dropped back as Yukari yawed towards and slightly ahead of her. Even through the window glass and over the angry, now unmuffled roar of the engine, she could hear the witch's wicked laughter. With Benten now behind her, Yukari maneuvered into the center of the lane, leaving only minimal passing room on both sides. Playing for keeps, eh? Well, two can do that! Time for some more offensive driving, she thought.

Benten braked hard and leaned into a sharp turn, slipping right between two trucks. The driver she passed in front of blared his horn and came to a screeching halt. Sure enough, the one behind him rear-ended his truck, sending a load of rebar beams flying. In Yukari's car, the twins nearly fainted when a beam hurled straight through the car like a javelin. Both managed to duck in time, but the beam took off Tsukasa's bow with a _zing._ A rear-ending chain reaction had been triggered by Benten's sudden move, and the rebar truck was itself rear-ended by the one behind it, carrying an earthmover, and then was itself rear-ended. Its huge cargo began to topple…just as the Yukarimobile was starting to pass it.

Not even Tomo could look anymore. She buried her face in her hands and gave a banshee's howl. The twins were clasping each other tightly again; their eyes shut since the rebar beam.

"NNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" screamed Yukari, pressing the gas to the floor. Already near its top speed, the tachometer pushed into the red. Steam started to issue from under the hood and through the radiator. With the muffler gone, the engine's roar filled the car, just barely allowing some gruesome song by Cannibal Corpse (which had now come up on Yukari's iPod) to be heard. Yukari swung to the left edge of the road, again skimming along side of the pavement.

The earthmover's front half began to slide off first, breaking its bonds with whiplike snaps. It filled Yukari's vision as she flew by, and she had to remind herself to keep her eyes glued in front of her.

Even at her speed, it seemed like an eternity before the rear end of the gigantic machine crashed down, only about a meter behind. Somehow it seemed the thunderous crash of it impacting the road had been delayed, like with a supersonic jet. Even Yukari had developed a cold sweat as she looked in her rearview and saw it slam into where they had been seconds ago, then roll across the road and down the steep, forested slope, snapping trees like sticks.

Whoa, thought Benten, when she saw the earthmover fall away in her own mirror. M-maybe I'm playing a bit too rough. I don't actually want to _kill_ Yukari-chan, and especially not those kids with her. Maybe I should take it a bit easy and…

"YAAARRRRR!!!" Passing the end of the convoy and coming out from behind the wall of trucks, Yukari, still in front of Benten, dropped her speed suddenly. Benten barely had time to brake, and "kissed" the bent rear of the Yukarimobile. Yukari then hit the gas, spewing a cloud of gray exhaust in Benten's face. The bike fishtailed violently as the biker girl struggled to maintain control.

"Oh, so you're up for a little kiss 'n ride, eh?" she muttered. "Sounds like fun! Pucker up, m'dear!" However, Yukari had once again widened the gap between them. Benten opened the throttle…

"Interpol?" said Yui. "Well, I don't know if I could help Takino-san with that. I'm just a local traffic cop. But perhaps a visit to the station would help introduce her to things, if she's really serious about it."

"Well, between you and me," answered Minamo, "I think she mainly became interested in it because of _Lupin III_."

"Oh man, that was my favorite anime when I was a kid!" Yui laughed. "I don't know if it was the _main_ reason I decided to become a cop, but… _What the HELL?_"

She wasn't quite sure if she was seeing things or not, but sure enough, a few hundred meters in front of them, a battered silver Toyota Camry emerged from a side road. It was missing its rear bumper, and both rear wheels wobbled in and out, but it still maintained an incredible speed. It was followed by a familiar motorcycle with a girl in tight blue jeans driving.

"B-b-b-but that bridge is OUT!" Yui stammered incredulously. "How did they stay on that road and…they couldn't have…they…" She noticed the madly wobbling wheels and large blue-gray exhaust clouds behind the Yukarimobile. A growl started to rise in her throat.

"Officer, are you all right?" asked Minamo. "Your face is bright red, and…"

"I am going to slit her throat wide open," Yui replied with a chilling calm.

Before long they were racing along the sparkling blue waters of the Pacific. All right, Benten hissed to herself. She's still in front of me, and there's that strip mall she was talking about. But I can still turn faster and sharper, so I can still take the inside track. Just…a…few…more…meters… Looming up before her, she could recognize the characters for "Mihama" on a mailbox. In what was likely a gesture of mockery, Yukari signaled left and began her turn. Benten slowed down and drifted toward the left. However, the Yukarimobile gave a growl of acceleration as it lurched into the turn.

With a groan and a snap, the heavily strained left rear wheel snapped off.

Once again seriously wondering if they would get to see the sun set that day, the Hiiragi twins clasped onto each other with death grips as the car went into a spin. Tomo merely screamed as if to drown out the hideous _screeeeeg_ of the decapitated wheel stub scraping over the driveway pavement, like a giant running his fingernails over the world's largest blackboard.

"Whoa!" gasped Benten, popping a wheelie to avoid the loose wheel. "That's a first for me, and…double whoa!" She halted at the head of the driveway to watch the car spinning right down it, throwing an array of sparks into the air. She watched as it came closer and closer to the beach house, yet started to slow down…and down…and down…until it finally came to a rest at the foot of the drive.

Yukari turned off the ignition. For about a minute, the only sound was the waves on the beach. Then a giggle began in her belly, small at first, then rising to a crescendo. "Ah-ha-ha-haaaaa!" she howled, as an incredulous Benten rumbled down the driveway. "I did it, ya whacked-out biker bitch! For the first time ever, I beat you! I beat you and your parents' trust-fund Hog! How ya like _them_ apples, huh, _huh_?" Before Benten could utter any kind of reply, Yukari was doing a wild victory dance around her bike.

Yui entered the driveway, and her jaw dropped to the floor. Whereas the Yukarimobile had looked somewhat banged-up at the start of their trip, now it looked like the survivor (or perhaps a victim) of a demolition derby. She had seen it go into a skid from a distance, and sure enough, the left rear wheel had torn off, leaving a mangled stub that had gouged large donuts into the driveway pavement. The trunk end of the car seemed to have been slightly bent upward somehow, leaving it banana-shaped. White steam from the hood mingled with blue-gray exhaust and white smoke from the wheels and stub. And the foul stench of burning brakes and rubber mingled with the tangy uncombusted gasoline from Benten's motorcycle.

Yui pulled out her cellphone. "Yes, I'd like the Chiba Prefectural Police. Hello, this is Officer Yui Narumi of the Saitama Police, Traffic Division. I'd like to report two cases of extreme reckless driving…"

"Good. I hope they put that bitch on ice," came a certain solemn voice towards the rear of the van. Surprised, all the girls and Minamo turned around at once. Sakaki was the only one who hadn't turned toward the voice.

"What?" she replied. "You saw the way Yukari-sensei was driving. Besides, I haven't said anything for a while."

Konata's eyelids fluttered as she finally came awake. "Mmm…" she sighed. "That was a nice sleep. I feel great." She glanced to her side to notice Tsukasa and Kagami tightly embraced. Heh, you can't keep those two apart. Aww, I hope I didn't miss any hot make-out action while I was asleep. Nahh, Kagamin's way too much of a prude to do that in public. Hey, wait… Her eyes came more into focus. The twins were indeed holding each other tightly, but were also quaking violently with their eyes tightly shut and their faces twisted with fear. Their skin was the color of chalk. In the front passenger seat, Tomo looked the same way, although with no one sane next to her to hold, she grasped the armrests like a vise, and her teeth were tightly gritted. She looked rather like someone in an electric chair.

"Hey, Kagamin? Tsukasa-chan?" Konata said; a rare concerned tone in her voice. "Are you all right?" She poked Kagami slightly.

Both girls answered her by vomiting simultaneously. Tomo then did the same.

"Ewww!" Yukari snapped. "All right, no beach or pizza for any of you until you clean that up!"

"Well," Chiyo said, as they had all gathered to watch the police cars driving away, "I guess some good could come from this."

"What's that?" asked Yomi.

"We won't have to worry about Yukari-sensei's driving next summer. Or probably the summer after that either."

_Well, that was quite a wild ride there, if I do say so myself. I wanted to finish it last weekend, but for some reason I barely had any energy last weekend and for obvious reasons, I wanted to feel juiced up while writing this. It's basically the product of a long drive to work and too much sugar and caffeine, but like with most of the stories I've put out, it seemed just crazy enough to work. I also felt that since they're (somewhat) similar series, there should be more Azumanga/Lucky Star crossovers. Doesn't Yukari seem like she'd be a Cannibal Corpse fan? ;)_


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